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Thread: You Know You're a Squaddie when......

  1. #1
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    You Know You're a Squaddie when......

    when...
    You know you've been Defence institutionalised (Made military) when...You use target indication to point out hot chicks...

    You use the term 'chicks'

    You insist on dancing like a d**k, whilst your civvie mates insist on trying to dance 'properly'.

    Your civvie mates don't understand any of the terminology you use such as 'no dramas', 'squared away', 'take a knee' etc....

    You can't help saying "Roger", "Say again" and other snappy bits of VP

    You use acronyms thinking your civvie mates will understand what you are talking about

    You don't have any civvie mates....

    You cringe, and mutter under your breath 'haircut', when you see men with long hair.

    You walk at a ridiculous pace and are physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace of your girlfriend.

    You refer to personal organisation as "admin"

    Your girlfriend is stored in your mobile phone address book as 'Zero Alpha'

    You use patrol hand signals in a night club if people can't hear you

    You always use the 24 hour clock....

    Nothing soldiers do shocks you any more....

    You can't watch war movies without giving a running commentary.

    People in prison have more contact with women than you do....

    Whenever you spell something out you use the phonetic alphabet....

    You don't trust your mum/wife/girlfriend/any woman to iron your kit because deep down you think that your ironing is better....

    You point using your whole hand in a karate chop motion....

    You find that the conversation somehow always comes back round to you, because you're more interesting than most topics of conversation....

    You think not shaving is a treat....

    You get really irritated when people you don't know call you 'mate'....

    You can read a junk mail catalogue from cover to cover and refer to everything that is useful as a Gucci bit of kit.

    You refer to smoke as 'a double edged sword'.


    You spend hours wondering where in civvie street you can get an equal disposable income and at least 6 weeks holiday a year, by completing an inversely proportionally tiny amount of tangible work

    Your blood boils when you see civvies wearing DPM.

    Going out on Thursday "international army night out" wherever it may be,or whichever course one is on, involves forming the ring-of-steel, talking about ourselves and the army and aggressively staring at girls; who if they don't immediately come over are obviously lesbians.

    Should any man dare break this ritual, and despite talking to the prettiest of girls - as we would like to do, if it weren't for the fact we tend to chew our own tongues and dribble - he is clearly gay!

    You come out in a cold sweat if you find yourself still working after lunch on a Friday....

    You have to stop work at 10am for NAAFI break or else you might not make it to lunch....

    At least half of your DVD collection are war movies....

    Even though your disposable income is twice that of a civvie you still manage to spend it all, every month, with nothing to show for it, about a week after you've told all your soldiers that you 'can't believe how much money they waste on the urine'....

    You feel guilty about wearing jeans in front of senior officers in the mess

    The sight of rolling countryside makes you scan for 'enemy depth'....

    You think that eating every meal for a week with the same spoon that you licked clean and kept in the pocket of the same shirt you've worn all week is perfectly normal....

    All of your food has to be prepared by a chef because you're incapable of cooking anything that can't either be boiled in a bag or eaten cold....

    You lie when people ask you what you do for a living....

    When leaving your phone number on a voice message you can't just give it once, has to be repeated.

    When surveying open ground (when not looking for enemy in depth) you think, good tank country. If a forestry block - I could get a platoon in here

    You survey open ground.

    When you are pointing out some natural feature you begin with "Reference bushy topped tree etc etc"

    Your girlfriend has started saying "admin" and gave you the "Chop" when telling you to put the bin out.

    When meeting mates in a pub you always turn up 5 minutes early and are secretly angry that nobody else has.....Worse still, if it's a venue you haven't been to before, you turn up 15 minutes early to put in a CTR, in order that you are definitely there 5 minutes early.

    You subconsciously red-pen everything you read.


    Guilty on most counts I guess, I am a bloody good cook though, Not many Infanteers can lay claim to that dubious honour.Just another reason why the chicks find me Irrisitable, I cant cook for women anymore, it makes em want me more, but with looks like these and being a master in the Kitchen I am Gods very special gift to womankind!!!Dont hate me cos Im Gorgous!

  2. #2
    Citizen Smith Guest

    Re: You Know You're a Squaddie when......

    Quote Originally Posted by pauli007001 View Post
    when...

    You cringe, and mutter under your breath 'haircut', when you see men with long hair.

    You walk at a ridiculous pace and are physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace of your girlfriend.

    You point using your whole hand in a karate chop motion....

    You refer to smoke as 'a double edged sword'.

    Your blood boils when you see civvies wearing DPM.
    My favourites of a great selection, thank Pauli!

  3. #3
    DougieG Guest

    Re: You Know You're a Squaddie when......

    Haha I've definitely seen some of these in ex-squaddies. Good stuff. Did you write these?

  4. #4
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    Re: You Know You're a Squaddie when......

    Quote Originally Posted by DougieG View Post
    Haha I've definitely seen some of these in ex-squaddies. Good stuff. Did you write these?
    No I nicked em from an old army mate, they were shiney and i could see them in his Bergen so I lifted them while he was looking the other way, I also stuffed my empty Ration packaging in his dossbag along with a couple of wet wipes Id just used to clean my privates(parts not ranks) Its a squaddie thing, now as for you GET A HAIRCUT!!

  5. #5
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    Re: You Know You're a Squaddie when......

    Great post Pauli....sadly I can identify with many of them...and I can identify too many mates in amongst it too..
    Left for a place without a childish and spite filled Moderator with a Hitler complex. A place of democracy and common sense where questions can be asked with a Mod getting their knickers in a twist because they lack confidence and are on a power trip.

    bet this gets edited. Take care all the decent people here. have fun.

  6. #6
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    Re: You Know You're a Squaddie when......

    You cringe, and mutter under your breath 'haircut', when you see men with long hair.
    And then panic when you see the Paras insignia tattooed on their arm.

  7. #7
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    Re: You Know You're a Squaddie when......

    You know you are definitely a Squaddie after falling out of the NAAFI bar at closing time, waddling across to the Barrack block for final 'dump' before beddy-byes..... and yes... you sit on the Kharzi... and you forget to take down your strides and undercrackers....

    You also know that you are an old soldier when wandering around Colchester High Street and around Sir Isaac Walks and you stop to chat to the 'Big Issue' seller who has a green berry on with a Veterans Badge on it. So you show him your Veterans Badge..... (and I don't mean your VD & scars operation wound )

    You know that you are an Old Soldier when driving up to Scotland to visit family, you detour through Catterick Garrison to point out the old Barracks that you did your Basic Training at (Phase One). I always point out Vimy Lines and Helles Barracks which both used to be the old 11 Sigs training depots many, many moons ago....

    You know your getting really old when you see if you can still get your old Stable Belt around your middle.... no, completely impossible for me....

    You know your getting even older when you you treasure your Red Discharge Book as hard evidence, and a tad paranoid, that you did not abscond from the military way back in the 1970s, if ever the the RMP and MoD Plod come knocking on your door!!
    Last edited by UncleVanya; 09-04-2012 at 12:42 PM. Reason: Not Enough coffee and Cake. I Took My Meds Today!!
    Failed Jedi Knight & Eater of Cheese. Mental Loafing a Speciality. Trained Duvet Therapist.
    Retired 'Certa Cito' Operative.

    "Socialisms is like catching political clap. the only solution is a general Election & the Political wire brush & bleach treatment"

  8. #8
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    Re: You Know You're a Squaddie when......

    I just found out recently that my kids and their friends call me Sgt Major Ball Breaker ??? I left the army 30 odd years ago.

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